Maybe I needed this.

October 31, 2012

There were only a few times that I was actually at home this semestral break. Today is one of those times.

I was supposed to have a shoot in the morning until early afternoon and a dinner with a friend to compensate for my lack of Halloween activities this year. But with those plans rescheduled, I started my day at 10.30 am after a pretty good sleep.

After settling at the dining table downstairs, I took out my notebook and pen and prepared to write ideas for this paper we were finalizing for UNIV. But I stared blankly at the empty pages of my notebook. I couldn’t get my mind to start processing. It’s been far too long since I sat down, contemplated and wrote down on paper.

Have I really dumbed down this school year?

The past sem, my first half of Junior year, was a disappointment. I got good grades, aside from that damn majors subject (that’s a whole different issue though), but I know I could have done better. Much better.

This is not about me being grade conscious. I don’t care if I don’t get another uno. What I do care about, however, is the amount of effort I exert in a subject. I know I’m not the brightest kid in the classroom, but I don’t want to be a kid who doesn’t try to maximize her potentials. I’m receiving quality education, why not make the most out of it?

And I’m not a kid anymore, my mind is maturing and I should be able to think deeper. I want to actually learn.

It was fun and games for the most part I was out of the classroom last semester. Of course I studied, more of crammed, and I still got pretty good results. But I know that isn’t who I am. I am not the student who, once after class is dismissed, forgets about academics. I am not the student who sits at the back and never recites. I am not the student who just wants to “pass”.

Maybe I needed a break from all the projects I’ve been getting myself into. Maybe I needed to pause, breathe and think about the kind of person I was just last semester.

Today gave me the opportunity to do just that.

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